Minah Wabuke gets the opportunity to witness a dowry negotiation ceremony among the Batachoni sub-tribe of the Luhya people of Kenya.

It is common belief that many dowry or bride price ceremonies have been turned into a money making scheme by the bride’s family. I had an opportunity to witness a dowry negotiation ceremony among the Batachoni sub-tribe of the larger Luhya community in Kitale, Kenya to find out if this is true of them and to understand the rationale behind dowry.

The morning of this important ceremony was abuzz with activity as the women and young girls got the food and the house ready. The young men erected the tents and set the chairs in order while the older men sat in a small group talking about politics and other things they deemed important. The only one who was not busy was the bride-to-be; her work is to sit, look pretty and listen to advice from her aunties about taking care of a home and the ‘three stones talk’ (advice on sexual matters). Everything has to be done exceptionally well today, lest it be said that the bride comes from a disorganised and commonplace family – God forbid.
When the groom-to-be and his entourage arrive, the bride’s eldest cousin is charged with the responsibility of welcoming them into the compound. Once inside the compound, the womenfolk come out to welcome them, whilst singing, and lead them into the special tent set up for them.
“They can only enter the main house after the negotiations are done, as they are then considered to be family,” intimates an uncle of the bride, Mr. Wafula.
The visitors are then handed over to the father of the bride-to-be who officially welcomes them into his home. He introduces his family to them and hands over the ceremony to the main spokesman, who has to be his elder brother or cousin. The spokesman then calls on the ladies of the home to introduce themselves to the visitors, starting with the eldest. The bride-to-be is then asked to introduce the older women folk, beginning from her father’s first wife, then her mother and her aunties. It is after the bride’s family has been introduced that the visitors are allowed to introduce themselves.
The bride’s family spokesman uses a traditional saying to subtly send a warning that since the gathering is at the bride’s home, the traditions of the batachoni will be applied to run the entire ceremony.
Since the women are not allowed to participate in the negotiations, he then, with some humour, asks his brother’s first wife to escort the women visitors into the main house for ‘something light’ (refreshments of tea and snacks).  However, the male visitors are not to take any food until the business of the day is complete.
After the two groups have conferred separately, the batachoni then present 12 plus one sticks to the groom’s family. (They do not say 13; they insist it is 12 plus one). The 12 represent the number of cows that are the standard dowry for all brides in their culture.
“Isn’t this often interpreted as a get rich quick scheme by some families of potential husbands?” I ask.
The father of the bride-to-be, Professor Bibi explains: “It is not about wealth or getting rich. The cows given are not hoarded by the bride’s immediate family. They are shared among the bride’s extended family so that every family member shares in the responsibility of sustaining the relationship between the two families through various ways, such as solving of disputes, fundraising, hospitality, offering counsel etc.”
I also get to understand that the extra cow is non-negotiable because it belongs to the bride’s maternal uncle. It is interesting to note that even if the groom’s family is able to give all the cows at once, it is considered an insult to the bride’s family if they do so. This puzzles me. “They are to be given slowly over a period of a lifetime in order to sustain and cement the relationship between the two families for as long as they exist,” explains Prof Bibi.
The groom’s family then take the number of sticks that represent the number of cows that they are able to give at that time and give back the rest to the batachoni. For example, if at the moment they can give three cows, they keep three sticks and give back nine to the bride’s representatives.
If the batachoni are not satisfied, they hand back the remaining sticks to the groom’s family who then have to reconsider their offer. The sticks are passed back and forth; with convincing speeches from each party’s spokesman in between, until finally the two groups agree on a reasonable number. The groom’s family don’t get off so easy though.
“Traditionally, the groom is required to provide a ‘cover’ for both parents of the bride. This could be in form of a blanket or lesso for her mother and a hat or kabuti (jacket) for her father. He may choose to or not to give small token of appreciation to the bride’s mother in form of cash,” says Mr. Wafula.
On agreeing, the two groups shake hands, signifying that they now view each other as family. The bride’s mother is summoned and asked to welcome the men into the house and serve them food. From then on, the soon-to-be-wedded couple are allowed to begin their wedding plans.