What happens when lifestyle and religion clash? A gay brother talks about his struggle to find religion and what happened when he stopped struggling.

Chris Mwandanda* is Gay. He is also a little angry. And a little bitter. And little sad.
And this is because his sexual orientation has overwhelmed his persona. It is no longer enough that he is a journalist of good repute, a human rights activist and all round nice guy. Ever since he ‘came out’ he became Chris, ‘that gay guy’. His sexuality has defined him. And that has meant the loss of many things — including his religion.

Most religions have a set of tenets that their deity demands they keep. Followers are expected to obey these as a show of love and reverence to their god and those who cannot are considered sinful, and often face rejection by adherents.
Christianity and Islam, for example, are clear. They do not condone homosexuality. The Bible condemns this as an abomination in books like Leviticus 18:20, which reads,
‘Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.’ (NIV version) and with 1 Corinthians 6:9-10,
‘…Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.’ (NIV)

Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, an esteemed Islamic scholar is quoted as saying that Islam is squarely against gay relationships. He supports this by quoting several passages from the Holy Qur’an.
"Of all the creatures in the world, will ye approach males, and leave those whom Allah has created for you to be your mates? Nay, ye are a people transgressing (all limits)!" (26:165-166).
"Would ye really approach men in your lusts rather than women? Nay, ye are a people (grossly) ignorant!" (27:55).
But there have been instances in which the gay community has accused religious leaders of misinterpreting the ‘holy books’. In particular, there are those who say that the Bible does not speak against homosexuality and that those who claim it does are reading the scriptures wrongly. Most religious adherents counter that this is an attempt by gay people to justify their sinful behavior by trying to force the Bible to endorse their lifestyle. And on the accusations and counter accusations go.
Reverend Michael Kimindu, the East African Coordinator of ‘The Other Sheep East Africa’ a worldwide Christian organisation (ministry) that reaches out to, and supports, gay and lesbian Christians feels that scripture has been misinterpreted by those who call homosexuality wrong.
A (straight) retired military chaplain, Reverend Kimindu’s offers an interesting interpretation of 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.
“It is not an issue of justifying homosexuality in scripture,” Kimindu says, “It is an issue of wrong interpretation. The homosexual offenders referred to in 1 Cor. 6:9-10 are not the practicing homosexuals. It is those heterosexual individuals who forsake their natural inclination for the sake of humiliating someone else, or just for the sake of being perverse. Homosexuals are normal people capable of forming loving relationships with people of the same sex.”
Chris’ interpretation of the same scripture is different. He painfully acknowledges that the Bible has called his lifestyle sinful but is aware that he can’t change himself. Therefore he has made the choice to live as a gay person.
“I have made the choice to serve man and not serve God — the consequences are mine,” he says thoughtfully, “Others in the gay community have to make their own decisions.”
“In my opinion — and this is not something that I speak about often — one cannot live the gay lifestyle and remain in the church. It is self deception; trying to have the best of both sides,” he says.
Chris was a practicing Christian, what Kenyans call ‘saved/born-again’, until about 10 years ago when he ‘came out’ and opted to leave the church.
He explains that he decided to stop being hypocritical about his life and accept who he was, and the painful fact that his chosen religion/the religion of his upbringing, was not comfortable with his sexuality. It was a painful realisation but it has now given him a certain amount of peace.
“I am in a stronger place now,” he says, of his decision to stop struggling to fit in with the church or make the church accept him.
His struggle now is against bitterness.
“I don’t want to be angry or bitter. It is something that I have to keep working on. But to be honest I now can’t stand being in a church. I find people there very hypocritical.”
The anger is understandable because religion, practiced as it is by imperfect people, can certainly be hypocritical.
Chris says churches practice double standards by making homosexuality a bigger sin than other sins. Those known to be adulterers or fornicators or even ‘just’ thieves, are allowed to be part of the church, yet those who are gay are shunned and branded more sinful.
“Sin is sin. If I will be called out because of my homosexuality, the church should not be afraid to call out the adulterer, or the fornicator,” he says.
He understands where those fighting for inclusion in the church (or other religious communities) are coming from, explaining that just because one becomes gay does not mean that the spiritual side of them dies.
“Spirituality is still important to gay people, their sexual preferences notwithstanding. Those who are campaigning for their churches/synagogues/mosques to accept them are searching for a balance between their spirituality and their sexual orientation. They will eventually find that balance and make a choice.”
In a bid to find the balance that Chris is talking about, there are churches that have been formed specifically for the homosexual Christian; some are headed by homosexual religious leaders and some by heterosexual leaders. A good example is the American founded Metropolitan Community Church, formed to cater to the needs of the homosexual community, and which has a branch here in Nairobi’s Tena estate.
Chris does not attend that, or any other, church but still considers himself a spiritual man, saying that his faith is very private — just between God and him.
“What a lot of religious people forget is that God is a God of grace,” he says.
He adds that it is wrong/hypocritical for people — whether gay or straight — to choose what to obey or not to obey from their religious teachings. “If the teachings say it is wrong, then accept it as such and make your choice based on truth, not convenience,” he says, intimating that the May 16th ordination of Rev. Mary Glasspool, an openly lesbian Episcopalian bishop, was wrong.
Winding down our telephone conversation, Chris sighs. He knows he still has a lot of work to do for gay rights in Africa.
“There is more to a person than their sexual orientation,” he says, “but in a continent that still oppresses women, I honestly don’t expect that much will be done to accommodate us.”

By Judy Mumo and Wilhelminah Wabuke.
*Not his real name